alicevangeline

career thoughts:
1. it is okay that this job is really not my calling. It is okay to also be open to moving on.
2. Now is not necessarily the time to move on, but who knows, man. Our insurer is threatening to close if a state bill passes, and there's all kinds of other uncertainty. There is no RUSH to move.
3. I talk with my therapist about the 'ok, but lots of people have jobs they're not excited about, why do I think I get to have something different' and here's an answer that doesn't make me feel like a dick: Novelty and curiosity are huge parts of who I am (and also big ADHD traits) and actually needs for my system. And maybe it's not meeting my needs to process paperwork and scan fingerprints.

But, again, it's weird times out there. Whatever.

i'm thinking about 3 different meanings ot that word.

First: the outer edges. That's what prompted the thing. I can't outrage anymore. It's not helping, it's not useful, I can't find anywhere good to use the energy and it's just burning me up. (Aside from making a sign and protesting on saturdays, for all the good it's gonna do - sense of community? maybe. actual change? no it won't.). Today is the expected announcement of dept of ed closure --- who knows what the consequences will be today, next month, next year. Who knows how the legal challenges will go, and what this sleight-of-hand is distracting us from (probably oil money in Greenland). I don't know how it will impact my job, my kids' education, or the country, or my coworkers. I could try to scenario plan but I got as far as "okay, if I got laid off because no more federal whatsits, there would be a lot of other people with me, and we would collect unemployment, which would come out of what fund, which would cause what other problem?" and then I realized I don't need to know that nor can I help.

The education stuff isn't the most important, but it is likely to affect me directly.

I did try to do a 'what if it's not that bad' for a few minutes. What if there are positive outcomes to this somehow - maybe the funding will go to the states? and then to the districts? maybe there'll be fewer hoops to jump through? And that weakass response is as good as I can get.

So.
I'm done doomscrolling entirely. retreat.
(not to mention the chaotic town withdrawal situation which locally adds a whole layer of stress & instability)

Second:
The inner edges. I just wrote about what I'm retreating From, now this chapter is what I'm retreating To.
I'm pulling the covers around myself by not looking at CNN, NPR, NHPR, buzzfeed, facebook, or the state news. I may bother with the one local paper I have a subscription to.
I am withdrawing from obsessing over ty's future. I know there are lots of reasons I'm doing it - because somebody has to if he won't, because it gives my brain a puzzle to solve, because his future will be a big part of mine so my input is valid, and because I have a limited but non-zero amount of control over this. And frankly it's nice to imagine a positive sunshine/rainbows/college quad experience for him. But it's not mine and I'm taking a break from thinking about it for now.
I've also withdrawn from thinking about the busted pool or the thing I have to fix in my car ;)

Here's what I'm gonna do:
- re-learn knitting while watching gardening shows.
- play dumb games on steam.
- go to the gym sometimes.
- go for walks other times.
-declutter the house if I can feel happy about it and not griefy or embarrassed about it.

Third:
Retreat as an experience - a spa, if you will - a solo, calming, relaxing thing.
I had a hard day at work yesterday and today is another Grief-a-versary, so i got a latte and new shampoo and makeup and body scrub and had one of those Big Showers (it's a shame my hair didn't turn out great, but oh well).
I have been trying to daydream about vacations, but between watching spending because of this screwy year and uncertain futures with the Ty I don't really know what dates even would work. We have 3ish days in maine coming up in a month, which is cool, but 'family trip' is not the same as what I feel like I need.

I wasn't gonna do seeds this year because de-cluttering should be priority, and also cats ate my seedlings last year. Usually seeds are cheapish and only sometimes do we get from seed to plant (which just means I have to bear that in mind.). We'll see if that's part of my spring retreat this year.

the only thing i wanna say right now is a nice thing:

I have two situations that take a lot of my emotinoal/mental energy, and in both cases I had a moment of "i don't have to do this alone." Thank god.

The equity project I'm doing - people showed up that haven't shown up before, and thinking about how many people have been involved even if they don't STAY involved, is promising. It means I'm not the only one who cares about this.

And Ty is having a Situation (he was being a slacker and got in trouble and is lashing out) but the school counselor did call to connect with me which is nice.

Okay.

Basically I'm just going to rant here again about how dumb it is to be 'anti-DEI.'
our high school french club just won an award (that's diversity. That's white people diversity, right there. Are we not gonna have language classes anymore?)

Our roommate points out that she was hearing conversations about immigration and she pointed out she's an immigrant from eastern Europe - they forgot, apparently - and their response was 'we don't mean YOU' ... because racism, apparently.

I have probably quoted this already but I saw on linkedin the appropriate response to people saying they don't like DEI is to ask, "which part bothers you: the inclusion, the equity or the diversity?" and for the most part I expect mumbles about people getting advantages, so probably this conversational tactic isn't the stumper it appeared only. Sometimes DEI is illegal and done improperly - I can accept that happens.
I'm no expert.

But to disavow the whole concept is just dumb.

the end

Ty got accepted to the special expensive college as well yay!

My lunch buddies asked what dan thinks ty should do, and I didn't really know, so I texted him and asked.

He responded with literally exactly how I feel. I hadn't been sure if we agreed, or if I was just kinda dominating these conversations because I'm way more quick to speak and also accustomed to deciding things, knowing he trusts me to do that. So, him putting things in his own words and saying Keene is more real-worldy and we're not totally sure how ready he is for that, but landmark is expensive and its own awesome little bubble, and it's a shame we have to Pay Money for Things.

So, yeah, the next steps are:
- maybe attend the next landmark open house on mar 22 ?
- work on scholarships & fin aid and see what is going to be Possible for us to do. It might turn out landmark isn't really feasible, or that the government stops 'doing' student loans.
- not stress too hard about Choices and think of it as win win
- What Dan and I (and also a really smart friend of mine) think would be ideal is: year 1 at landmark to bridge the gap between current life and college life. And year 2-4 at keene. (That's going to be more reasonably affordable - but also he might not want to change schools once he's there. Oh well. Again, it's going to be up to him, with the understanding that Mom & Dad if footing the majority of the bill will have lots of input.

Also he starts work with the Documentary Company on tuesday so that's exciting.

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my gd eye is so twitchy. it's caffeine, stress, maybe blepharitis too, all that shit. Yesterday both of em were going, but it's mostly my right side. what makes it extra fun is that my vision seems to have changed a bit regarding how my eyes work together (I'm a lil crosseyed, and I think that changed). so sometimes it's extra hard to focus.

my feet hurt. My toes barely bend and ballet flats just crunch them and make them work too hard. Yesterday I did put some cream on.

my shoulder hurts. it's maybe sleeping, maybe carpal.

I get bras from thirdlove because i am a weird size, but they're pricey - and when they're new the elastic literally creaks when I shift my weight. You can tell when they're worn out because they stop creaking AND stop being as supportive.

Finally - I am wearing a cute outfit, but these pants are too tight and I hate them.

talked with the therapist that I am a lil envious of the 'getting accepted, getting scholarships' and anticipation of the college search Thing.
this is bullet points because it has lots of parts:
- she pointed out that maybe I'm feeling kind of burned out because of the 17 years of effort to get him to this point to be a semi-successful Adult, the only person who did more than me is himself! so like, acknowledging the hardcore amount of parenting. That's not a huge part, but sure.
- more so, he's not that excited, he's a chill kind of fellow. He is The Dude, if you will. But I want to 'be accepted to things' that I'm excited about.
And for me it's mostly a combination of
- looking forward to exciting things (seeking novelty)
- validation/achievement/pushing myself and then getting the accolade (i don't want to want this, but i do, and it doesn't have to come from work, is a thing I just learned)
so we're challenging me to think of ways I can get that novelty or acclaim. Maybe doing music if I can find the right group. IDK.
Also, I'll give myself enough credit to say, I'm excited for HIM. And I wish he were as excited as I am, but these are the sorts of things I can imagine really well and he can imagine sprite sheets really well.

Oh yeah, NOT TO MENTION:

there's a whole element (elephant-in-the-nation) about being depressed & distressed & afraid about The News and uncertainty and rage and all that. so, like, the solution to that is action when possible, distraction, and Things To Look Forward To. Because if you have an uncertain and scary Future, make a little subset of 'the future' with a lowercase F of something you can control and are happy about. Vacations are a good one. A class. A haircut. Flowers. A date. Create a glimmer of hope for yourself.
(And that's why I'm obsessing a little bit about ty's college stuff - because I can, and it's a distraction, generally positive, although it's not really about me and I have limited control over the outcomes.)
(And also because I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself outside of work & parenting)

Dear AG: I live in a town in your state.

I am writing to make sure you are aware of the Texas v. Becerra lawsuit.
I'm grateful that Our State is not a participant but am deeply concerned. The FAQ I read from the Disability Rights Education & Defense Fund (here) explains the issue in more detail. Part of the complaint asks the court to declare Section 504 and its updated HHS regulations unlawful and unconstitutional. This request is located on page 42 of the complaint.

About Me:
I am a parent of two children with disabilities. One of my children has needed a lot of support in school in order to attend school, and the other now requires only minor support - that provided for by section 504. During the years my children have been in school, I've observed not only the growth my children have made thanks to their teams, but also become more aware of other students' needs at their schools. My children have classmates in public school who use wheelchairs and cannot speak (without a device).

Why this is important:

Section 504 and these updated regulations are extremely important to the disability community. Section 504 and its rules make sure people with disabilities can be included in schools and can see their doctor.

"Section 504 applies to all schools that receive federal funding which includes almost all K-12 schools as well as colleges and universities. If Section 504 were declared unconstitutional under the Spending Clause, it would no longer apply to many public schools. Children in these schools would no longer have Section 504 plans for accommodations. Students could try to get an IEP under the IDEA, but they might not qualify."
- So, in practice, my daughter who has panic attacks can go to the nurse to calm down because of her 504. She no longer qualifies for an IEP because her issues are fairly well controlled. That said, not having this protection would greatly increase her school avoidance, depression, and suicidality.
  - From a practical standpoint, losing that support would make me a less productive workforce member, because I'd need to spend work time worrying or taking her to doctors' visits.
  - It may be tempting to say that they should toughen up. However, there's a big gap between where an anxious kid is, and where 'toughening up' would have them be. Many of them simply don't have those skills to do so. I have known many teens (myself included) whose anxiety & depression have pushed them to attempt suicide, or pursue other outlets: drugs, alcohol, sex & accidental pregnancy. Having opportunities to calm down and de-escalate truly lightens the pressure cooker for these kids so they don't need to pursue these harmful behaviors that can affect them the rest of their lives (or shorten their lives).
    - We already have workforce shortages. We don't need to lose these kids!
- My son is about to graduate. He's been accepted to college, and has support from Vocational Rehabilitation of NH because of his degree of autism. Without section 504 and help from the college, he is not as likely to succeed.
  - Again, from a practical standpoint: WITH a 504, he can probably do well in college. With help from a 504 and the ADA (and with DEI initiatives), he is likely to be employed. (He can code in 3-5 programming languages effectively with a cheerful attitude. But he has a very limited sense of time passing, and can get overwhelmed when people ask him too many things, so an effective employer or teacher would be patient.)
  - However, with threats to DEI and 504, it's less likely that an employer or college is required to be patient and allow him time to adapt.
  - The last thing taxpayers want is more people out of the workforce and relying on medicaid, but without employers & college taking a few steps to meet him in the middle, that's exactly what will happen.
The FAQ also tries to calm folks by saying "The lawsuit does not challenge the Section 504 rules published by the Department of Education," but I bring to your attention that there is an open effort right now to abolish the Department of Education. I ask you to think about my situation - and that I'm in the workforce, trying to be 'productive' and contribute to the economy, and that I'm only able to do so because my kids get extra help (that they need, and that has worked).

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I urge you to examine possible scenarios and do what you can to prevent worst-case outcomes.

phew. a lot going on.

1. the obvious is the state of the US. It is nice to talk about it a little more openly. These days I rarely encounter people who wear red hats if you know what i mean.
2. besides that, we have some Employee Drama - people on admin leave and it's all secrets and I'm glad I know, I feel more secure when I'm not on the outside of these things, but it's also a lot of work piling up on the tiny HR team this week, and in general these things are kind of a bummer. I'd still rather know than be on the outside. I have a bit of compassionate-but-we-are-under-no-obligation badassery, because I'm really not THAT nice.

3. So it's been really busy today with that stuff. It's also 50 degrees and 2 feet of snow is trying to melt!

4. Ty had his final high school IEP meeting yesterday! The final goals from now till end of year include "ty will think about pros and cons of living at college and be able to articulate" - I've written about my clear preference and should my thoughts with ty but it's his decision. Also, another final goal is for him to learn to use Google Calendar for deadlines & appointments ;)

5. I saw my therapist! Journal, I'm putting it here that I should revisit my 'drive for achievement' and novelty, etc, I assume it's gotta be work but it can be other stuff.

6. I might share my 'letter to the AG' on here later!

7. I texted the Recreation Therapist about how important "Found Family" is and that's what I have relearned this year, so I just want YOU dear friends auryn/replyhazy/sabine/jassugirl to know that I appreciate you and love you.

so, over the weekend I found out 3 of my friends are divorcing their husbands (and that doesn't count our roommate who is PROBABLY divorcing hers but that's a later problem).

I have varying degrees of knowledge about their situations, but at least one is abusive and controlling (stops short of hitting/violence).

For some reason my brain is having a hard time with that - not arguing with them, but like, 'so al, are you sure your marriage is good?' and I'm like "YES brain, we're weird but we're fine, stfu'. I kind of needed reassurance after talking to the third friend, though. I don't think he quite picked up on it but he was surprised.

--
other updates:
saturday was rainy & dreary. Sunday was sunny & happy.

I have a dreary new game on the switch - it's a WWI game, but the gameplay is sort of puzzle/dodge & the graphics are kind of graphic-novel-y. I am not even sure I like it, but....I'm playing it.

I'm amused to see the Hello Kitty game on all the systems. I've been playing it on my phone and I think it was like, 6.99 -- if you see it on your devices, it's like animal crossing or stardew valley in terms of cute & casual & always something to do, without feeling like 'aw man i gotta water the plants today'.

Anka helped me clean out a couple of cubic feet of books & photos & writing & binders & art supplies from my mom's room yesterday. i didn't have too many feelings but some - and managed to get through without tears, not that tears would be a bad thing. My mom had my grandma's drivers license & stuff, so i have that now; I have some of my dad's special things too, so maybe the fact that i do feel kind of tender today makes a lot of effing sense. (also I didn't throw anything away that I have regrets about and saved lots, but condensed it.)

Things that were happy this weekend:

Sunshine (and my prisms)
Earl Grey & blueberry entremets with espresso (from the french cafe in the rich town south of us)
the antique shop (they have a gem/crystal/fossil/curiosities room, and they have a hardware dept featuring crystal doorknobs, chandelier points, hinges, and more). The antique shops I go to have a good range of prices: the chandelier points are $5 each, the doorknobs are like, $12; there was an 1800s sofa for $650 - that kind of thing. Also there was an actor type man in a fabulous fur coat walking around the store.

So, it's a blizzard and I'm working from home. but there isn't a whole lot to do. So I called the IRS again about my mom's estate. Phone call is clocking in at 1 hr 51, most of it holding time.

Just trying to figure out if I owe the irs money for mom's estate from 2023. she passed 2-23-2024; there wasn't a lot of money in her bank acct. so the estate is technically insolvent to pay debts.

--
meanwhile, i was like, what other tasks do I need to do? And one of my drs asked my other dr for a letter and I requested that in the portal, so as I searched Gmail for an update on that I stumbled onto mom's ER/Hospital med records (my brother uploaded them & sent me a zip). So I read through that 86 page doc. I looked up lots of words. I learned a little, I guess.
One thing is that she told the doctors she was 'weighing whether she wanted to have gallbladder surgery' even after she'd been told to have it a month before. One other thing I was looking for was how long she was waiting to be seen/treated. It's hard to stack up timings on this report, but it looks like people were working behind the scenes even when she didn't see them. I also don't know if she should have told them she used to have liver disease - I guess she healed up ok from it, but she didn't tell them ('no information about patient's alcohol use")

---

And finally - trying to figure out now that ty's landed a sweet internship how to GET him there. I might delegate that to hubs. Why is husband abbreviated hubs.

I took The Teenage Kids to a cabin up north for purposes of Winter Break Waterpark for 2 nights
Adventures were had including: a mishap with the booking, so I didn't get welcome instructions or checkout instructions or a CLEANED CABIN but the previous guests were pretty clean.
That led to a nice refund of one night!
The cabin was cute! the kids thought it was small but there were 3 distinct bedrooms, even though small, so IDK what they were on about
The weather was warm on Monday (as in, super melty, coats not required)
I went to the resort on Monday night to get pizza and waited a long time in a super crowded restaurant and on the way out noticed there was a legit pizza shop like downstairs from where i was
weather resulted in drips and drops on the roof all night, then on Wednesday it was slick and melty and the unpaved road to our place had a Bad Spot
I finally got to use X Mode on my Subaru (i've used it before, but rare)
(that reminds me. On Saturday, I went out with meg and anka and on the way back we got stuck in a snowdrift. Lots of helpful snowmobilers attempted to push us out. Eventually Dan-with-the-flu showed up with 2x4s and shovels and we got free.)
Poor dan.
Dan's 45 years old and has a partial denture and Meg noticed it and was like 'holy crap is he missing all those teeth' and I was like 'dan are you missing 4 in a row' and he sadly says 'i don't even know anymore' (which is tragicomic)

Waterpark:

Kids enjoyed it a lot more than they thought they would!
Ty rode the green waterslide 3 times
Meg did the lazy river 100 times (not so much a lazy river, it had 'rapids') (100 is an exaggeration)
Rating the green waterslide, out of 5 stars: 3 for fun, 7 for terror (meg); 3 for terror, 4.5 for fun (ty)
I should have relaxed a little more but there were no chairs available on the swim floor (there were some in the balcony) so I had to stand and lean if I wanted to be "in one place" which I did sometimes because i was worried the kids would get lost and panic and then not have fun so I wanted to be where I said I would be.
I too did the lazy river and waterslide! it wasn't all standing! Everything else was too crowded for me.
I was ready to sit on the edge of the lazy river!
Kids didn't like the noise at first, but acclimated pretty quick, until it was time to go and then meg had mild panic.
I did 3 intelligent things:
- I put my credit card in my locker instead of in my swim trunks pocket - I was like, what if I want it later and my sensible side said 'then go get it, loser' and my lazy side said 'but pocket'. I kind of forgot which side won. So when I got out of the lazy river and my pockets were empty I was like, well, guess it's time to put a stop on that card. Then I opened my locker to get my phone and... BEHELD THE CARD IN LOCKER. Good job me
- Based on snow melt (followed by snowfall) I picked up a bag of icemelt at the store on Tuesday night (whilst getting other foods to eat). Also should have gotten car kitty litter, but it was ok.
- Decided not to go out for breakfast wednesday morning due to road conditions (and also spending too much money). It might have been okay but it looked pretty icky out there.

Last stop: Ben & Jerry's Factory Tour

Really short tour! There is ONE room that looks onto the factory floor. One window that looks into QA and the Flavor Lab.
You get cookie dough chunks and ice cream sample.
The whole thing is $6 per person. That's fine. It's worth about that.
We had freshly baked waffle cone with our ice cream (because the waffle cone smelled sooo good). I had Churro, meg had cookie dough, ty had cookies & cream.

One other thing, we think Ty has reynauds because he gets blue hands. They got blue like usual at waterpark, but also got some orange spots? maybe too many oranges and carrots and seaweed (beta carotene). And he had a nosebleed again. Poor kid.

I'm feeling emotionally 'soggy' if you know what I mean - just saturated and heavy, even though I haven't cried yet. I think a big part of it is GriefBrain, even though I'm not consciously thinking about things That Much. (But, like, I am though. I am thinking that 'this time last year' and 'mom used to' and 'look at all these books, would she forgive me for getting rid of them' and 'i miss dad too btw.' )

Also worn out with Kids with Colds and Husbands with Flu or Covid.

Dan was supposed to go to Florida but is sick so that's postponed, I'm tempted to postpone our airbnb if meg is very sick. IDEK.

Also worn out realizing that disability services are actually DEI programs and although they're protected by law (ADA etc) colleges are being told to shut down DEI initiatives. I had a brain spiral of 'what-if's about that.

Also saw two really disturbing tweets from important politicians. One turned out to be fake/satire and the other was not. so. At least one was fake.

I feel pretty bad at my job this week, but I don't think that's reality. I think I'm, like, fine but not great. Then I remember I've only been DOING the job for 6 months.

Anyway things making me better:
- Listening to WLCV streaming radio - the classical station I used to intern at - hooray for classical, and hooray for voices of people I know.
- I ate another Moser bar of chocolate yesterday. I also took a propanolol for the incipient panic, a vitamin, and a guanfacine to help with the attention span, and am going to chase it all with a bunch of water.
- That allowed me to do at least 2 tasks I've been putting off.

-I've given myself permission to stink at my job, a little. In reality, I keep up with deadlines, drop balls rarely, and do what needs doing. It feels like I'm a mess because i'm still learning, I don't have processes yet that help me keep from dropping balls when there is Too Much, and I kind of went All In on a time sensitive project (which is partly why I didn't get back to somebody, one of the tasks I've been putting off as well as the dropped ball), and the project is done early and now I'm just going back through and seeing what needs doing, and in general things are quiet and I think realistically it's because I'm caught up and with nothing really to do but also it's possible I'm just farting around because I'm both lazy and a flibbertigibbet and forgot thigns i SHOULD be doing. I'm trying to remember that I'm really doing fine, and I would have heard if it were otherwise (and in fact I hear that I'm doing well) and also acknowledge that my mental image of success is not what I'm actually doing, and maybe it's not me but the image that sucks.

ps you can't say success without suck
also I am sick of that word now and I apologize for overusing it

Ty did the college admissions interview :)

he says it went great, he was a little spacey but it was fine (he says she didn't ask 'why do you want to go here' questions but more like accommodations and stuff like that, which is good because he's had a little practice talking about that!)

I stopped myself before hitting send on something; Ty has an interview with admissions counselor today at the expensive-but-helpful school this afternoon. I really am nervous because I haven't coached him at all, and it's not his first choice, and I really want him to like, not say that? So i was going to email the admissions lady and say 'okay, i'll make sure he gets there on time but otherwise he is totally uncoached, good luck'. No. Just no. What good can come of that. But the feeling remains so I'm typing it here. (good job, me.)
He and I had a charming conversation today including topics like 'what AI does the holodeck on star trek use -are there various components for background, for NPCs' and gravity maniuplation in Inception and star trek, and mechanics of super paper mario and how mario uses his 2D ness to his advantage. So, if she can get him talking about things he's interested in, that would be great.
Also, I am messing around a bit more with BlueSky but haven't quite gotten the hang of it. I shall post one-sentence stories or one-liners. (I'm LadyOrbweaver). So far I've sent messages to one author with a question (AND SHE FOLLOWED ME BACK) and to another author with a specific compliment. Will I pretty much use bluesky for sending compliments to famous people and occasionally trying to be funny? Only time will tell
Lots of Caretaker-ing: Dan has something that seems like flu or covid, tested neg for covid on the one test he took and has no sense of taste. Meg is home sick with headache, fatigue, and nausea, and occasional cough. (I'm tired of 'tough call' sick days, you guys) (I'm also tired of arguing with her but this was pretty legit plus also she might have Dan germs)
Anka the roommate continues to be a good friend and calming presence. I am glad she's staying with us. But not so glad about how her separation from hubby is going (not surprised though). He has issues and she's always kind of taken care of him, and she's exhausted of it. It's ok to be a needy partner, but in that case you gotta a) show (and feel) appreciation for the caretaking partner, and b) return the favor when possible. If A & B happen, your ability to caretake gets refilled. If they don't, it eventually gets used up. (I'd be curious to read more about this - when one partner has more physical/mental challenges than the other.)

Update, several hour later:
I confess I'm just in a bad mood, and worn out, BUT I ate a small bar of dark chocolate and that helped a lot! And ty and meg are being thoughtful, which is always a good thing (He asked if me, dan or Anka want any seeds from his horticulture class, and she keeps bringing dan plushies to help keep him company)

so yesterday I came to the conclusion that with a new housemate & pets, ty college-or-whatever-ness, and "the news" I am having to work too damn hard at focusing.

I've been avoiding taking ADHD med because it makes me a little sleepy, and because sometimes I NEED my attention to bounce everywhere so I don't forget random tasks. Also I experimented with taking it at "different Times Of Day" and then it wasn't a habit.

I think I found the limit where I can't force myself to focus and the medicine is a requirement.
So that tells me interesting facts about 'forcing myself to focus' and how many spoons I might have available to do that is based on what's going on in my life.

I remember a kinda scary moment last year when i was trying to drive home and it was like 7 pm, and dark, and I was kinda tired, and my mind was NOT on the road and I kept trying to rein it in.

Anyway. Yesterday and today I'm taking the medicine. I'm going to keep it AT WORK, which is where i generally need it. And LOOK HOW SHORT and on-topic THIS POST IS

I bought a Food Sensitivity test and it came and: apparently i was still dehydrated because yesterday i stabbed my finger, didn't get enough blood for the test and kind of bruised my fingertip!
today was a 2-hour delay for snow/wind, but also it's a floating holiday, and i didn't know that, so i'm at work, being a slacker? the worst of both worlds. I'll have to make a decision later and create 'clean lines' for myself about whether this is a half-day of work.
Friday i stayed late figuring out Summer Camps. it is a wacky calculation featuring:
- probably whichever college he chooses Ty should do their adjustment program. so, looking up dates & rates for those & writing them down.
- the state college has a teen day camp, so meg could be there too, which is a maybe. although 'day camp' emans driving.
- there are 2 camps for neurodivergent kiddos that would be good fits for them; one is crazy expensive but we can maybe get a program to help pay for ty's cost. Meg says she would sort of prefer a camp for neurodivergent kids and that's super valid.
- So i was writing out dates & rates for all these. Waiting to hear about college teen camp (for neurotypicals) for 25 because their info is for 24.

1) Do you like your birth-name? Why?

I didn't used to. The kids called me alice in wonderland in a teasing way and I could never get a little bike license plate with my name on it.
I found out over time I was really named for both the book and White Rabbit, as well as the graciousness at Alice's Restaurant, representing being curious and navigating a challenging world, and that's kind of neat.

I don't think a lot of people have iconic characters they're named after and first i rejected it and now I half-assedly embrace it. I find that if i lean into it too much it becomes corny, but it's nice sometimes to for instance have cheshire cat userpics.

2) If you could change your name to anything else, what would it be?

My "plausible deniability" name on instagram is Angie, because a) it could be short for my middle name, b) it's friendly and unpretentious c) it's the right amount of girly and common (not too much of either).

3) What names would you consider giving your children?

I kinda screwed up on Ty's name, because it's short for Tyrone and he doesn't like it and it's too silly. But Meg was a good one.

4) If you had a band, what would you name it, and why?

(pass for now)

5) Is there a name that you completely hate? Why?

lol probably but my first response is 'jacqueline' because the spelling, nickname, and pronunciation are not consistent

hi.

Ty got accepted into the state college! yay!
Still working on the other one, but looking good. They need more application materialis because it's a specialized school. But I'm gonna say YAY about it.
He would be happier about it if he didn't have maybe the flu (a bad cold type of thing).
We're all home because of Wintry Mix all day. I sit near where the *decisions are made* and the state phone call about weather was loud yesterday, based on the forecast it was really iffy about whether to close or not, but they did an based on the road in front of my house it was the RIGHT MOVE. so messy and sloppy out there.
my side project with work - the community building one - is in some ways going great. i want to do that full time. not exactly an opportunity to do that yet, but what we're building is growing, which is great.
of course - that's all pretending there's no chaos in washington.
I make pretzels on snow days and I can't shape them right but i can make them tasty!

I can't use apple music at work anymore, but for now Spotify and youtube are still getting through. even though they are also streaming media.

maybe this is the year I'll have a spotify wrapped.

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alicevangeline

May 2025

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snow day pretzels.

the year of spotify maybe

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May 2025

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