it's gonna be like that
Jan. 23rd, 2019 09:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alicevangelineI tend to hop on DW when my brain doesn't feel right and that's been more & more dangit. i wonder if i have a hormone change happenign or if i should be on medication for add or anything like that. i think i want to have ty take one of those food sensitivity tests but they cost money and dan bought a car recently :/
Anyway it's a day where i don't quitre feel paralyzed by too many things, but almost. Just kinda insecure and down. weather = maybe. I didn't sleep enough due to melting snow drippity dropping on the air conditioner ('tap taptap tap tap') started the day with starbucks to maybe get a boost then remembered we have a lunch meeting today i'd forgotten about and i feel like 'what are we gonna talk about can i handle this' and 'omg 10 people responded to my mass email eek' i can effing handle 10 people, what's wrong with you today brain?
The kids were relaatively good. Ty especially. He's been making nice scratch programs & minecraft worlds & he made something special for his sister today and she for once was not an asshole about it and showed interest. We were on time except the dropoff line at school was so long & slow that we edned up not on time but they didn't count it as tardy.
Ty was also cheerful and chatty this morning which is super fun. And this is funny i made him a 'chair' out of one of his old exercise hoppers and a bucket. he always falls out of real desk chairs, but he sits up straight and doesn't fall off this one!
I keep crying at nice things (like watching videos of the Kindness Rally) or stories about people being nice ot each other or my board-chair-boss saying 'you're a valuable asset but your family needs you'. or, you know, dogs befriending ducks. Or thinking about how ty is growing up and he's almost 11. Drippy drop tears!!! But it is okay! My emotions are just not letting me fight them anymore and I miss my dad and my job is scary and i'm doing pretty well at it when i don't freak the f out and how do successful people handle the weirdness that is doing well at something?
I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!!!!
I need to come up with a less gross analogy but crying when stressed is like a dang pimple. it's just gonna build up in there AND MAYBE EVEN HURT A BIT until it finally bursts.
Anyway it's a day where i don't quitre feel paralyzed by too many things, but almost. Just kinda insecure and down. weather = maybe. I didn't sleep enough due to melting snow drippity dropping on the air conditioner ('tap taptap tap tap') started the day with starbucks to maybe get a boost then remembered we have a lunch meeting today i'd forgotten about and i feel like 'what are we gonna talk about can i handle this' and 'omg 10 people responded to my mass email eek' i can effing handle 10 people, what's wrong with you today brain?
The kids were relaatively good. Ty especially. He's been making nice scratch programs & minecraft worlds & he made something special for his sister today and she for once was not an asshole about it and showed interest. We were on time except the dropoff line at school was so long & slow that we edned up not on time but they didn't count it as tardy.
Ty was also cheerful and chatty this morning which is super fun. And this is funny i made him a 'chair' out of one of his old exercise hoppers and a bucket. he always falls out of real desk chairs, but he sits up straight and doesn't fall off this one!
I keep crying at nice things (like watching videos of the Kindness Rally) or stories about people being nice ot each other or my board-chair-boss saying 'you're a valuable asset but your family needs you'. or, you know, dogs befriending ducks. Or thinking about how ty is growing up and he's almost 11. Drippy drop tears!!! But it is okay! My emotions are just not letting me fight them anymore and I miss my dad and my job is scary and i'm doing pretty well at it when i don't freak the f out and how do successful people handle the weirdness that is doing well at something?
I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!!!!
I need to come up with a less gross analogy but crying when stressed is like a dang pimple. it's just gonna build up in there AND MAYBE EVEN HURT A BIT until it finally bursts.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-24 04:33 am (UTC)