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alicevangelineIt's not even 9 yet, but I woke up around 3:30 (finished the book I was reading btw 4 and 5:30! then it was sorta 'get ready for work time' anyhow.)
I haven't done much work yet but I am HERE and have done some, and will do more.
Might leave early due to disability services lady coming over plus lack of sleep.
I was going to write about the folllowing disconnected things:
1. Watched two pretty great episodes of Pluribus and I'm afraid the next episode will be the last of the season. I'm going to tell you about the episode The Gap, without revealing any plot details, because I was mumbling "OMG that was an award winning episode. that was amazing".
There are only a few lines of dialogue in the entire episode, none of which are spoken by Carol. Oh wait - Carol leaves messages on the voicemail, but no other lines. And, she pretty much sings to herself the entire time because there is no one to talk to. Meanwhile, some dude undertakes a journey and people talk to him and he refuses to respond, and then he finally does and it's pretty great. Some people found it boring - but I thought it was wonderful. And in the next one, I couldn't figure out Carol's motivation but I think it's because she's not entirely sure either and it can be multiple things anyway.
2. I was buzzing around the house Sunday morning doing stuff, including planning a trip to CVS, christmas cards, packing/mailing things, and it made dan kind of anxious - I explained I was actually feeling okay. Sometimes that sort of thing will overwhelm me but I was trying to take the time to DO the things instead of letting them pile up in my head. He got overwhelmed just existing and listening to me. And then he thanked me for doing all the things and seems to understand that it's a lot. That's like watering a plant, man. Just the acknowledgement that the appointments/ meal planning/ presents/ cards/ bills that I manage, is a lot of things.
I saw a thing a couple weeks ago referencing the I Got A Robe SNL video and it bugged me, and Meg and I were out recently and I muttered something about that and she was like 'knock it off.' No, she didn't say that, but I realized that while I was trying to be darkly comic I was actually being passive aggressive- and she's like 'i'm thirteen, when am i going to get to a store to get you anything so you're just being kinda mean.' OH SNAP, I earned that. Anyway she and Dan went to a different bookstore yesterday for a thing i've been obsessing about. And it's not about the Thing, but hooray!
The Thing, by the way, is a motorized build-it-yourself marble run that looks like a Sonic the Hedgehog level.
3. I made a holiday letter thingy that ended up feeling very 'me.' Ty loved it and called it the best thing ever. Meg glanced and said 'ok I'm not interested'
(ty is like, is she ok with these pictures of herself in it? i said, 'well, she had the opportunity to veto and didn't so....')
Anyway, it's not a work of art, but it's colorful and fun. And last year I couldn't bring myself to do anything.
4. One thing I realized while doing cards was that, indeed, I don't think I even did any last year? Because my mom died in 2024 and I was like 'how do I send warm greetings right now' and I couldn't do it. Unless i scrawled our name on some cards, which I might have done, but honestly don't remember doing much of anything for it.
And the fact that that was all Last Christmas is wild to me, that it's only been that long, that it hasn't been two years yet. I had to double check the death cert to be sure. Anyway I guess last year was our first round of holidays without her, so this year felt a little more solid. As the kids get older and more stable, as do I.
5. I don't know how other people do this, but for me, it's taken some time to get the vibe of My Family that We Built as opposed to My Family That I Was Born Into. I've been reading the Grandest Game (etc) and there's all this cheesy "Hawthornes don't try, they do" and "a Hawthorne loves all or nothing" nonsense about family --- so, the one you build, I think it takes some time to know what it is, regardless of whether kids are involved (though they introduce a ton more variables). Anywho that's kind of how my very weird letter feels -- like it's very Us.
the end for now!
I haven't done much work yet but I am HERE and have done some, and will do more.
Might leave early due to disability services lady coming over plus lack of sleep.
I was going to write about the folllowing disconnected things:
1. Watched two pretty great episodes of Pluribus and I'm afraid the next episode will be the last of the season. I'm going to tell you about the episode The Gap, without revealing any plot details, because I was mumbling "OMG that was an award winning episode. that was amazing".
There are only a few lines of dialogue in the entire episode, none of which are spoken by Carol. Oh wait - Carol leaves messages on the voicemail, but no other lines. And, she pretty much sings to herself the entire time because there is no one to talk to. Meanwhile, some dude undertakes a journey and people talk to him and he refuses to respond, and then he finally does and it's pretty great. Some people found it boring - but I thought it was wonderful. And in the next one, I couldn't figure out Carol's motivation but I think it's because she's not entirely sure either and it can be multiple things anyway.
2. I was buzzing around the house Sunday morning doing stuff, including planning a trip to CVS, christmas cards, packing/mailing things, and it made dan kind of anxious - I explained I was actually feeling okay. Sometimes that sort of thing will overwhelm me but I was trying to take the time to DO the things instead of letting them pile up in my head. He got overwhelmed just existing and listening to me. And then he thanked me for doing all the things and seems to understand that it's a lot. That's like watering a plant, man. Just the acknowledgement that the appointments/ meal planning/ presents/ cards/ bills that I manage, is a lot of things.
I saw a thing a couple weeks ago referencing the I Got A Robe SNL video and it bugged me, and Meg and I were out recently and I muttered something about that and she was like 'knock it off.' No, she didn't say that, but I realized that while I was trying to be darkly comic I was actually being passive aggressive- and she's like 'i'm thirteen, when am i going to get to a store to get you anything so you're just being kinda mean.' OH SNAP, I earned that. Anyway she and Dan went to a different bookstore yesterday for a thing i've been obsessing about. And it's not about the Thing, but hooray!
The Thing, by the way, is a motorized build-it-yourself marble run that looks like a Sonic the Hedgehog level.
3. I made a holiday letter thingy that ended up feeling very 'me.' Ty loved it and called it the best thing ever. Meg glanced and said 'ok I'm not interested'
(ty is like, is she ok with these pictures of herself in it? i said, 'well, she had the opportunity to veto and didn't so....')
Anyway, it's not a work of art, but it's colorful and fun. And last year I couldn't bring myself to do anything.
4. One thing I realized while doing cards was that, indeed, I don't think I even did any last year? Because my mom died in 2024 and I was like 'how do I send warm greetings right now' and I couldn't do it. Unless i scrawled our name on some cards, which I might have done, but honestly don't remember doing much of anything for it.
And the fact that that was all Last Christmas is wild to me, that it's only been that long, that it hasn't been two years yet. I had to double check the death cert to be sure. Anyway I guess last year was our first round of holidays without her, so this year felt a little more solid. As the kids get older and more stable, as do I.
5. I don't know how other people do this, but for me, it's taken some time to get the vibe of My Family that We Built as opposed to My Family That I Was Born Into. I've been reading the Grandest Game (etc) and there's all this cheesy "Hawthornes don't try, they do" and "a Hawthorne loves all or nothing" nonsense about family --- so, the one you build, I think it takes some time to know what it is, regardless of whether kids are involved (though they introduce a ton more variables). Anywho that's kind of how my very weird letter feels -- like it's very Us.
the end for now!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-22 03:54 pm (UTC)Anyway, I love being on vacation when he suddenly says "thank you for planning all of this, it's just incredible!" The appreciation is much appreciated.
And OK, I have to watch Pluribus now. You've never steered me wrong.