The 'quiet space at a funeral' thing
Apr. 24th, 2024 12:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alicevangelineI am planning to do a little zone for introverts for the funeral & after party that specifically says
'you can talk, but quietly'
'not too much at once, we get overwhelmed'
'we love you quietly'
'everyone is welcome'
Because I'm thinking of dan and the kids particularly who do indeed get overwhelmed. The last funeral we had to go to, we couldn't stay because meg was MELTING TF DOWN. Ty starts repeating himself about 'it's time to go' and dan gets more silenter.
So.
I think 'quiet space' at a funeral home is a pretty common thing but it's got different more 20th century verbiage and it's more meant for crying, but I'm more concerned about the family party. Everyone will want to see everyone. People will get overwhelmed and upset. And I am not in a space to handle that real well.
I'm worried a little bit about people judging me - this is not a super-rational thing because the friends & family we're closest to will Get It anyway - but I'm even MORE worried that judgers'll be 'right' and that somehow I should have the skills to teach the kids/husband to Deal With It. I do not have those skills.
I think the 'double empathy problem' has ruined me a bit because I keep thinking I gotta fit in an adapt to the expectations. Why the fuck do I not ask them to adapt to me especially on this day of all days?
Ok bye for now!
UPDATE ON THIS:
The quiet space didn't work out (shrug). However the toys and fidgets we brought for said space did definitely entertain younger kiddos, which kind of had a similar result - noise and activity sort of contained to one spot. My kids hung out by the snacks and had their headphones one. We did, in fact, set up a tent at my in-law's house where the after-party was, and one kid hung out and did her math homework in there, but mine did not. Shrug again.
'you can talk, but quietly'
'not too much at once, we get overwhelmed'
'we love you quietly'
'everyone is welcome'
Because I'm thinking of dan and the kids particularly who do indeed get overwhelmed. The last funeral we had to go to, we couldn't stay because meg was MELTING TF DOWN. Ty starts repeating himself about 'it's time to go' and dan gets more silenter.
So.
I think 'quiet space' at a funeral home is a pretty common thing but it's got different more 20th century verbiage and it's more meant for crying, but I'm more concerned about the family party. Everyone will want to see everyone. People will get overwhelmed and upset. And I am not in a space to handle that real well.
I'm worried a little bit about people judging me - this is not a super-rational thing because the friends & family we're closest to will Get It anyway - but I'm even MORE worried that judgers'll be 'right' and that somehow I should have the skills to teach the kids/husband to Deal With It. I do not have those skills.
I think the 'double empathy problem' has ruined me a bit because I keep thinking I gotta fit in an adapt to the expectations. Why the fuck do I not ask them to adapt to me especially on this day of all days?
Ok bye for now!
UPDATE ON THIS:
The quiet space didn't work out (shrug). However the toys and fidgets we brought for said space did definitely entertain younger kiddos, which kind of had a similar result - noise and activity sort of contained to one spot. My kids hung out by the snacks and had their headphones one. We did, in fact, set up a tent at my in-law's house where the after-party was, and one kid hung out and did her math homework in there, but mine did not. Shrug again.