doozies - things that are big

• so there was a work-emergency yesterday where one of our buses was hit by an oncoming car and the driver was airlifted. kids are ok. driver is injured but not critically.
• I told meg if President scrooge destroys things including schools i will most certainly homeschool her, which gives her a 'bright side' 
• I hosted a game night for my leadership group last night!  um. The organizer of the group is the only one who came. Which was a bummer. HOWEVER. Ty had offered to facilitate the game, and I took him up on it, and organizer asked if her kid could/would enjoy the game so we brought her kid & meg in on it, so there ended up being 5 of us (3 under 20 :) ) and we laughed our butts off.
• I saw a job on linkedin today that: pays 10k more at least than what i'm getting now, is work-from-home with flexible hours, includes the benefits i currently have, and is in HELPING COMMUNITIES IMPROVE in equitable ways.
• I saw this posting maybe a half hour ago and have reached these conclusions already:
  • i should DEFINITELY apply and have already thought:
    • 'but loyalty! these folks are relying on me! I like these people and I trust them mostly!, They've invested in me!'
      • and theni thought 'mm, not that much actually. They spend a TON of money to train teachers & do PD with them and little to none with me.'
    • I may not get it, like, at all
    • even if i do it's a project coordinator role and i can do more
    • maybe my head's still not on correctly to do anything new
    • wasn't i going to try to start my own thing? (maybe, see the point above)
  • like i'm doing with ty, though, we see what we are able to do, then we choose from the following options. 

thing that is little

It's almost the end of the year and I am an Apple Replay person (not spotify).
Once again it'll be messed up because of what I listen to while working , and things megan listens to on my phone while i'm driving, are not things that I would choose for a year-in-review playlist, but c'est la vie literally - this chapter of my life includes those things.

Anywho.  I signed up for the annual choose your guiding word workshop that i like to go to. 
Last year I suffered from indecision paralysis about my word choices and I halfway believe it was due to premonitions. Also, there was something I WANTED (Neon) but something I thought I would maybe NEED that was different (Sage). It was an experience in my head and I yelled about it on here a lot because although it doesn't actually 'matter,' struggling to choose what you want to manifest is a weird thing. Not knowing what you want, if you will.

This year I have some curiosity about what will develop. One or 2 things I know:
1. Agency is something that I had very little of this year. A lot of things felt like they happened TO me.  But I only kind of understand this definition of the word, and if I'm not careful some trauma can yell at me that it wants agency too.
2. One step at a time. Tiny things. 


So that leads me to the last point: a question was 'what song has brought you joy this year' and I kind of forgot so I looked at my apple music history and at least this past month a Big Hit for me has been 'seven nation army/sweet dreams mashup' by pomplamoose. It's not new, it's not happy, but it rocks.