Middlin

i discovered yesterday (sunday) that too much ibuprofen makes me queasy.  But not enough makes my mouth hurt and jaw swollen and nonsense like that. Last night I was finally like "okay, I'm sleeping on that side anyway, and it hurts, but fine."

I heard them say 'day 3/4 will peak then you will be better by day 7' so I should have braced myself a little more for what was coming, but it's fine it's fine.

--CW: tooth details--

If you have had a tooth extraction, none of this is news. I think I must have had 2 before because I have 2 other missing spots (one has a bridge, one has an implant prep but never got around to the implant). 

I had the last tooth on my bottom right pulled, because it was a root canalled tooth and a big piece of it broke so it was half a tooth anyway, so they pulled the remainder. Except. The root was still holding on mightily. He had to drill the tooth to get a grippy surface to pull it and then it broke some more and some more.  Even though it had been root canalled, they explained that even though THAT nerve is gone, there are other nerves, and the jawbone is connected to the other jawbone, and gum tissue, and etc.  Basically my jaw is like wtf did you just do, rip a fucking bone out of your head? yes, jaw, i did. for reasons. 

There are Dissolvable Stitches and the string is getting loose. I have been very good about not looking at or touching with my tongue anywhere NEAR that zone though I'm brushing the rest of my mouth as much as i can (because there are NASTY tastes happening. My mouth tastes like snot. Which is probably good, it's probably Healing Blood Cells.)

--end grossness & end CW---

Anyway, it was nice to realize what was causing the tummy trouble and not feel awful, just sore.

Two work-related annoyances:
they brought up my proposed/probable role change and people responded with 'wait but what about this project i need alice for' and I'm both like 'aw they appreciate what i do' and  fucking pissed because this is a solvable thing. If you want me to keep doing my job, find a way for me to keep doing it. (it's not that hard. Just someone has to claim me and my realm.)

And as full of neuroses and self-doubt as I am, NOBODY has said 'you're not the right person for the role,' it's not that they need to find me something else to do. The 'this is unsustainable' conversation has really been about 'nobody has time to manage you and remember your requests at leadership meetings, and we won't know where you fall until we have a new super, and that will be a while.'

what I DO is connect the school to the community at large.  So imagine my eyeroll when, amidst my work turmoil, the 'we are in transition right now but this is a letter of solidarity' note goes out to everyone, and priority number 2 is 'our community.'  It's so important that you're letting my work just fizzle out?

One thing I've thought about is why I can't just be entrepreneurial and why I actually need management/leadership support, and there are two halves to that - internal and external.  The external thing is that, it's a bureaucracy, and Things Can't Be Done without leadership team.   The internal things are 'yeah having a team is really valuable just in general' as well as 'i have certain blind spots and a team or manager ideally helps compensate for that.'  So even if I push myself, or try really hard, or use the best judgement or whatever, I can't get past the External half.

So, I'm studying up on HR and making guides for myself and/or others.

And also passively looking at other companies. I wasn't gonna, but, here we are.