(no subject)

I'm finally becoming mature enough to say "i'm not going to do my best work on that project right now because i'm distracted with family stuff. It is okay for me to do less important things at this time."

Or also, "I'm kinda doing Galaxy Brain crap right now with ideas all over the place, I need to kind of scaffold them (or mind-map) so they're not a buncha fireworks and also I am switching to decaf today and will try to slow down a bit"

hey wait a minute!

Okay both yesterday and today I've been annoyed with people - yesterday they were Just Not Getting what I was saying and kept ascribing diagnoses to the wrong family member.

Today I was reflecting on a workshop and how I really had expected other people to step up more than they did.


I do this partern: I get mad and annoyed and then i say, wait, it takes two to tango, you probably could have done more. Like, been more clear, or not assumed it was taken care of.

WAIT A MINUTE, I say, when I behold the original email which very clearly stated who had what diagnosis. This is not on me for lack of clarity - it's a complex situation but I was CLEAR.\

And, hey WAIT A MINUTE, I say this morning, as I realize that I had sent at LEAST one message a week before the event saying "do we need anything? have we booked the room? do we have student paperwork?" and nobody freakin answered me.

So. While maybe I could have taken more of a role, I asked whether in fact i SHOULD and got ZERO response.

That means that I will allow myself to be mad & annoyed and also that I'll handle more this time. Assholes. jk