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Jan. 10th, 2023 07:42 am my eyelid is twitching aggressively today! Google says causes include stress, too little sleep, too much caffeine.
does anybody see a problem here?
does anybody see a problem here?
Jan. 10th, 2023
gonna go ahead and write about it
Jan. 10th, 2023 07:55 amSo, there are a couple reasons I'm making counseling for me a priority right now. Resurfacing trauma, parenting woes, living in the 2020s, and some issues with my own attention span.
I like the alignment of being with the women's center because we can say things like 'the patriarchy' or 'the mental load' and it's ok. And, it isn't bashing. We can say things like it's impossible to work and parent and do both things well and not feel crazy, basically.
I also like my specific person because they have an interest in neurodiversity :) and internal family systems and are trauma informed. The thing with internal systems is that we all have little different parts of ourselves, right? And the goal of IFS therapy is to clarify what the parts are, what role they're serving, and to gain back the center self as the conductor. So you can tell jerkbrain to go to hell for a minute, or better: 'thanks for your concern but i got this' that kind of thing.
I will never want to talk about this in person if i can help it, because of Walter. Walter thinks this is all bullshit.
Walter is what I've named the 'judgy voice of what i think a lot of other people think.' I decided he looks like, sounds like, and acts like Walter from The Big Lebowski: a caricature, but based in some reality. He is the one who yells at me to toughen up, buttercup, says "if they don't eat what you cook don't make other meals" and stuff like that. He's a veteran, of course. In real life, I'm sort of scared of this kind of person, because my politics and values don't really jibe with theirs, but Walter helps me understand them a bit better. He may require a lot of me, but when it comes to another character we'll meet soon, he will defend her to the death! (I don't know how that would work but I do get the extreme protective mode).
Okay, second character is, essentially, Disney Alice. But I want to change the personification there because honestly calling her Alice is confusing so I'm thinking about other disney princesses, because that's the vibe. Anyway, she's sweet, trusting, optimistic, curious, and prone to cry with hurt feelings, and fun and enthusiastic. Maybe more like Rapunzel? Walter stands in front of her with his shotgun, basically, a sentry to protect her.
These are kind of archetypes, right, and for me, giving them caricatures and voices helps me find what their role is as parts.
I offhandedly said there's another little part in a shadowy corner just screaming but that sounded more scary than it felt, so I said it's more like the Elmo on Fire meme (which I had seen recently). It's not a real scream, more of a yell.
there might be more, the personifications may change, because they are not REAL, but they are ways to handle the different processes that happen.
One thing that's wild to think about, then, is that the Walter persona is in there, a part of me. That tough bastard is literally me.
--
I went ahead and wrote about it, because I do think in words - so this helps me clarify it, and helps me remember. I'm not locking it down, even though it's personal, because it might be kind of interesting.
Do you have characters that have different roles?
I like the alignment of being with the women's center because we can say things like 'the patriarchy' or 'the mental load' and it's ok. And, it isn't bashing. We can say things like it's impossible to work and parent and do both things well and not feel crazy, basically.
I also like my specific person because they have an interest in neurodiversity :) and internal family systems and are trauma informed. The thing with internal systems is that we all have little different parts of ourselves, right? And the goal of IFS therapy is to clarify what the parts are, what role they're serving, and to gain back the center self as the conductor. So you can tell jerkbrain to go to hell for a minute, or better: 'thanks for your concern but i got this' that kind of thing.
I will never want to talk about this in person if i can help it, because of Walter. Walter thinks this is all bullshit.
Walter is what I've named the 'judgy voice of what i think a lot of other people think.' I decided he looks like, sounds like, and acts like Walter from The Big Lebowski: a caricature, but based in some reality. He is the one who yells at me to toughen up, buttercup, says "if they don't eat what you cook don't make other meals" and stuff like that. He's a veteran, of course. In real life, I'm sort of scared of this kind of person, because my politics and values don't really jibe with theirs, but Walter helps me understand them a bit better. He may require a lot of me, but when it comes to another character we'll meet soon, he will defend her to the death! (I don't know how that would work but I do get the extreme protective mode).
Okay, second character is, essentially, Disney Alice. But I want to change the personification there because honestly calling her Alice is confusing so I'm thinking about other disney princesses, because that's the vibe. Anyway, she's sweet, trusting, optimistic, curious, and prone to cry with hurt feelings, and fun and enthusiastic. Maybe more like Rapunzel? Walter stands in front of her with his shotgun, basically, a sentry to protect her.
These are kind of archetypes, right, and for me, giving them caricatures and voices helps me find what their role is as parts.
I offhandedly said there's another little part in a shadowy corner just screaming but that sounded more scary than it felt, so I said it's more like the Elmo on Fire meme (which I had seen recently). It's not a real scream, more of a yell.
there might be more, the personifications may change, because they are not REAL, but they are ways to handle the different processes that happen.
One thing that's wild to think about, then, is that the Walter persona is in there, a part of me. That tough bastard is literally me.
--
I went ahead and wrote about it, because I do think in words - so this helps me clarify it, and helps me remember. I'm not locking it down, even though it's personal, because it might be kind of interesting.
Do you have characters that have different roles?