right place at the right time

i've never worked for a place that seems to have such potential for growth and to have so much responsibility for making that happen. over the last 10 years and even before i was at places that forecast declines and wanted to slow the slide.

but what we're doing is
a) fun for me personally although it's stressful at times
b) important and impactful
c) fun for other people
d) gaining recognition.

So, that's why we think we can raise a buttload of money if we try. but we historically haven't worried about it, we get enough support from the community to do what we do. HOWEVER, if we want to do more, we'll need staff because i'm near capacity, and the remaining amount of quiet time I have should be spent on planning and in future will need to be spent on 'managing.'

THIS IS VERY WEIRD

Additionally i've done a lot of navel gazing about leadership and a lot of harsh-self-judgement. I probably said this already. But I'm hoping that i'm going from yellow belt to green belt or something - i'm beginning to learn what I can do better and judge accordingly. Hopefully it's that rather than just being non-confident. Like, with music lessons, you play a thing and it's pretty good but your teacher tells you how it could be even better? And if you're not careful all you hear is 'here's what you did wrong'? That's what my brain's been doing for a bit - being the Music Teacher and the rest of me has to try to take it the right way.

____

AND.

So that's what's going on with work, which is a big part of my life, and I am also worried I'm not being 'that good' of a mom. Not doing sight words with megan (well, we're doing them occasionally, but i lost the baggie for officially practicing), not working with Ty on tying his shoes or riding a bike more, having a hard time getting them to eat healthy, not consistent with chores. I ask Dan for help on stuff and he does it, but he doesn't realize I'm asking him to do it 'all the time.' Like I asked him to help me with lunches for the kids. He did it that night. But not after. Maybe he didn't realize that was what I meant.

I was also thinking about asking him to handle the mail in the same way. like, all the time.

And I was thinking about those articles about Emotional Labor and "i don't want to have to ask" is a big part of the issue; the Thinking About What Needs to Be Done and Delegating is part of managing the household which is draining. Particularly for working moms. Anywho my last thought on this subject has to do with Female Power which is, while we don't want to have to ask and Knowing What Needs to Be Done is a pain, the fact that we are the deciders and delegators puts us in charge. In case there was any doubt who run the world.