a challenge women have
Jul. 10th, 2019 04:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alicevangelineone thing is that most of us nice girls really, really try to look on the bright side and force some optimism. I also do that specifically to counteract my horrible depression and it's gotten a lot better from this outlook. It does lead to awkward situations when I'm in the determinedlypositive mindset and it's like "sorry bout your cancer but hey sounds like a lot of people showed they love you! sorry your mom died but i bet she was awesome" and it's all...silver linings can be So Dumb sounding.
Especialy if you've spent about 15 years in nonprofits and you have to learn how to Not Throw Blame or Put People Under Bus and speak tactfully because 'you never know who knows who.'
So when it comes time to actually express problems, this is not news, but we have trouble saying THIS IS A PROBLEM. As a neurotic human, I start with "did I cause it, can i fix it, and did I let anyone know that it's a problem" because besides being neurotic those are actually the only actions I can take. Starbucks ain't gonna fix your order if you didn't tell them it's wrong (politely).
I also try to avoid saying things out loud that might sound like bitching, or might sound 'unsupportive.' I'm now at a place with one of our education providers where I'm kinda layin out the 95 theses of problems when potential collaborators ask me about the problems.
The educators KNOW these problems (had a study done in 2017 and just did another one and ....took no action). TAnd their suckiness is becoming a LEGITIMATE economic problem. Unfortunately it's a cultural issue.
So now we're recommending two different ways to frankly bypass that system altogether and I couldn't be happier. It's not out of cold calculating revenge or anger but just - let's skip the thing that doesn't work.
---
similarly, as i have an opportunity coming closer and closer, I'm trying to honestly say to myself 'how happy am i right now in my job, really' because i tell myself i'm happy and so lucky and blessed but um i think this journal establishes I'm basically always freaked out and scared, and i mean that could just be me as a person and the 'learning new things all the time' thing but not the job, but the thing is the job is Really Going To Grow and a) can I handle that and b) will i be able to get the money to get the help i need.
I really agitated myself on Monday paying attention to the things I don't love about this. I did NOT like being in that mindset.
Anyway trying to establish whether "it's just me" or "it's a bona fide issue that won't change unless x y & z" and whether I have any control over XYZ - well, determining this is a lady problem isn't it.
Especialy if you've spent about 15 years in nonprofits and you have to learn how to Not Throw Blame or Put People Under Bus and speak tactfully because 'you never know who knows who.'
So when it comes time to actually express problems, this is not news, but we have trouble saying THIS IS A PROBLEM. As a neurotic human, I start with "did I cause it, can i fix it, and did I let anyone know that it's a problem" because besides being neurotic those are actually the only actions I can take. Starbucks ain't gonna fix your order if you didn't tell them it's wrong (politely).
I also try to avoid saying things out loud that might sound like bitching, or might sound 'unsupportive.' I'm now at a place with one of our education providers where I'm kinda layin out the 95 theses of problems when potential collaborators ask me about the problems.
The educators KNOW these problems (had a study done in 2017 and just did another one and ....took no action). TAnd their suckiness is becoming a LEGITIMATE economic problem. Unfortunately it's a cultural issue.
So now we're recommending two different ways to frankly bypass that system altogether and I couldn't be happier. It's not out of cold calculating revenge or anger but just - let's skip the thing that doesn't work.
---
similarly, as i have an opportunity coming closer and closer, I'm trying to honestly say to myself 'how happy am i right now in my job, really' because i tell myself i'm happy and so lucky and blessed but um i think this journal establishes I'm basically always freaked out and scared, and i mean that could just be me as a person and the 'learning new things all the time' thing but not the job, but the thing is the job is Really Going To Grow and a) can I handle that and b) will i be able to get the money to get the help i need.
I really agitated myself on Monday paying attention to the things I don't love about this. I did NOT like being in that mindset.
Anyway trying to establish whether "it's just me" or "it's a bona fide issue that won't change unless x y & z" and whether I have any control over XYZ - well, determining this is a lady problem isn't it.