hopefully quick

1. Did a ton of decluttering Saturday, covered the pool, and reclaimed a laptop table from my mom's room up to the living room (so I can use my laptop when with the family).   
2. Groceries with ty, fun game night on sunday
3. took kids to sci museum yesterday for the day off
4. picked up a gift-basket from the museum I used to work at (it's a prize for rotary) and they gave ty and I a brief-ish tour.
5. it was nice, in a way,  and I am proud of what they're doing, but it's still cluttered and weird. I'm surprised how much of the stuff I did is still up.
6. they asked if I would participate in an educational advisory panel and I said i can't, my job isn't the right job for that - but actually because i wanted to explain without making excuses (because they did me a favor)  I kind of let slip that i have a very boring job processing insurance and not talking about stem at all. 
7. I'm surprised at myself this morning, and a little horrified that I 'told tales out of school that way' and told a relative stranger I'm bored. Do I even care about talking about STEM? Why did I say that?  However, it's possible I played it up because I felt bad that I can't help them at all. 
8. It's also partly true that I'm bored. And that I liked my old job, even when it was dumb. 
9.  The boss called me later to see if I got everything I needed. I said yep. He said ok bye.
10. They have a job opening, you see - edu manager - something i wouldn't mind doing and could do and was doing - and making the same money I was making at that place, but with fewer responsibilities (because I did marketing & fundraising as well).   I have wondered about it. But mostly said to myself, well, they know where to find me if they want me. They could ask.
11. But dan asked after my visit if I miss it, and the answer is still not really.  I left for good reasons, and some of the stuff got better and some of it won't. After the 3 years of distance I can see more clearly through the dust than I could at the time. I left because the work didn't matter to me anymore, and there was a lot of sexism and annoying rich people, and their goals were  too lofty for reality, and also a lot of it was rooted in the science of firearms and I just hit a point where I can't even, with firearms, anymore.  
12. Although I don't want to be a 'flighty' person who changes her mind or can't settle on something, I maybe can't help that sometimes. There is a part of me that would very much like to go back, just for the sake of feeling like I kept promises to people.  (Like, that job was part of why we moved out here, and I left.)

heart thing

I forgot to explain about this.

Back in July or something, I asked my primary dr (who has since left the practice) if I should be concerned about my gallbladder since that's what ended up being terminal trigger for my mom.  No, she said, a lot of people have gallbladder problems, but it would make sense to see if you have the heart valve problem (PFO, Patent Foramen Ovale) that she had, because that's hereditary and usually is undiagnosed.  That thing is basically an issue where blood kinda goes from chamber to chamber so oxygenated & unoxygenated blood can mix, under stress (like, if you have pancreatitis, that counts as stress).

So I did an EKG on Sept 5, and 2 weeks later got a call that I don't have that - a PFO, but I do have a PAVM, a pulmonary arterio-venous malformation. I am pretty sure it was a 'you HAVE" not a "you MAY have."  That means, in essence, that capillaries forget to form, and arteries & veins down in the lungs connect right to each other.  I'm at increased risk of stroke.  I think she sent a referral for a vascular specialist or cardiologist but I haven't heard from them.   Also a PAVM is often a common sign of a strong hereditary condition where circulartory tissue doesn't form properly. That's called HHT. More on that another time.

This has been me googling, but, like, trying to see what is 'worst case' versus probable, and etc.