deep thoughts jk

This morning i think my feelings are on Thin Ice, but I'll do what I can anyway.

I was just telling a coworker - we watched Irish Wish and it was:
1. Cute
2. Kinda Dumb and Fun to Make Fun Of.
3. Pretty!  There's something about the set/costume design that's very bright and colorful. It probably helps that the lead is a ginger.  And honestly I really liked the true-love interest (the actor played a complex character on Picard which was not great but fine, as a series).

St Patrick's Day is funny  (funny-weird, not funny-haha) for me these days. So, mom died end of february, and dad died march 20 (and i remember vividly st patrick's day while he was in the hospital).  My family cared about our irish heritage and in fact my cousin went back to the old country and got married etc.  After four or five generations i guess it was time to go back.  (I think?  My great grandparents or great greats came from ireland. On my mom's side, it's a little more mixed, but ireland's the primary ingredient - although my grandma tracced one of her ancestors back to 1790s in america.)

So that's the other thing I've been slacking with - genealogy and find-a-grave and ancestry.com. 

And at home this weekend we mostly took it easy - meg and i did a Mall Trip on saturday, i read lots all weekend, and did a laundry.  I was kinda on thin ice with my feelings this weekend too.  Some stuff is going on with my brother but it's as resolved as it gets.

Anwyay one other thing I worked on this weekend was Attempting to get one of mom's books into kindle create.  I did maybe 5 books on amazon for the museum (covid projects, yay) so i feel comfortable with that whole process, but the thing is mom's organizational systems.  I was too frustrated to do her first book (couldn't fucking find anything beyond the first 3 chapters) so I moved on to her second book.  The chapters are stored in individual folders in google drive, with various drafts and rewrites and it's kind of hard to tell what would eventually go into a whole work. But! I am doing what I can, and I got through the first 20 chapters (of 40), and definitely some editing & sleuthing will be required.  (for example, she changed where this one paragraph goes, but which was the final decision on it).  

But once it's all together (step 1) i can look at the rest of it (step 2). 

Most of the Estate stuff is coming along nicely. I am stuck on a few things - I can't deal with the car until people make a decision - I can't deal with the bank until i get access to a statement and i got locked out of online banking and didn't yet reset things -  i ended up scheduling a meeting with the lawyer on april 1 even though probate court says 'in 30 days' but law firm says nobody worries about that. I have to trust that.

I can't deal with inheritance claim until people make a decision as well. 
The only other tasks I need to do are:
- plan service/get people to bring snacks
- decide where my emotional boundaries are with my brother - between 'now he needs me more than ever, without mom' and 'it's not my job to be mom but a caretaker is part of who i am'
- at some point talk to headstone people, they just need to add a year to an existing stone

one thing that got me through covid-times and grief then was noticing sunlight, starlight, moonlight, and beautiful clouds.  Noticing how the door made rainbows in the house.  Seeing the afternoon or morning sun streaming through the green hemlocks on the hill, or enjoying an afternoon on the pooldeck under a cloudless, warm blue.
so anyway, the clouds were really pretty and multicolored this morning. 

2 bits of reassurance

1.  there's a phone call i didn't get to for 2 biz days, and now i did it, and i'm glad i waited because it's a big thorny thing and I can deal with that today better than last week.
2. speaking of thorny, there's a project i got stuck on, and i'm discovering the reasons i got stuck are quite fair, sticky things. It's complicated, and it should be two projects, and i do need help.