just a little dysregulated, is all

Hey y'all, it's been a crazy 24 hours but it's still duck-padding stuff. Nothing major, as T says.

But also - meg had a field trip to the ocean yesterday and didn't get home till 6:20. I had a zoom from 2-4:30 and then a therapy sesh from 4:30 to 5:30.  Meg was cranky and sunburned, as you might expect, since the bus departed at 7:30 am.  That's a long day!  4 hours total on a school bus & an hour at the beach & an hour at an aquarium!  Kind of awesome, but she was so weepy and worn out.    I kinda told Dan, she did have a good time no matter what she tells you, one of the things she's upset about is that she ONLY had an hour and 15 minutes at the beach.  And yes the water was cold and yes she was in it but she was too scared to walk on the rocks for the tide pools I guess.

So that was a Thing, and therapy was a mental load as well in a way.

WED MORNING

This is in addition to my workday -   I spent time with my student in the morning doing the uganda & poland projects and thinking maybe I could have Used my Time More Wisely but hey, it's ok.  I'm trying to give credit to my 'second thoughts' for their validity, and then the third thoughts get to evaluate.  Like, student asked for assistance, nobody is assigned to assist, I am able to assist, I asked if anybody had plans to make an adjustment (ie, get her some help that isn't me) and heard crickets, and with help she will pass. Without help she will not.  So, that is why First Thoughts went along with the plan. 

Second thoughts are concerned that it's not my role and I'll 'get in trouble,' or make someone mad, or be "interfering," or something. 

Third thoughts say, 'well, your role is vague, you are able to help when your schedule permits, and you have a caseload of families. she's her own family and is taking a larger percentage of your time, that's all.  Your second thoughts are a valid concern, but it's okay.'

WED AFTERNOON
Then I went to an out-of-my-element webinar re: creating welcoming cultures (sort of anti-racism training).  I'd say out-of-my-element because I'm worried about saying a wrong thing or taking up too much space, you know? or asking a question that's rude (but I don't know it's rude).  

And THEN i chased a turtle  off the road. Don't get run over, turtle.

WED EVENING
And THEN I had therapy sesh.  We talked about brains and internal families and parts and stuff.   There is a lady with a clipboard in my head, with glasses.  There is also a punk who yells a lot about NO LABELS NO HIERARCHIES SOCIETY IS BULLSHIT.  I did say that while we're not sure what labels I may have, it's scaring me less that there might have been something about myself I didn't realize, all along.  Like,  that was one of the things that scared me about it and felt embarrassing. But I thought it over and realized, thank god, and thank humans, that I've never been totally friendless.  maybe I'm more socially awkward than I ever realized - it hasn't stopped me from making friends, and indeed, I have a ton of people I choose to love that are maybe a little bit or a lot bit neurodivergent. 

THURS MORNING
This morning, I forgot my laptop at home. Dropped off the Ty at school , arrived at the office, no computer. I don't normally bring it home but what with the zooms I did (and somebody put a box of chip on it).  So I had to go back home, then for lack of a better plan, back to the office.  I didn't get started right away and, unfortunately, spent some time sending my autism/adhd/camoflaging informal assesments over to therapist, for funsies.  

THURS MIDMORNING.
Followed by pick up Meg from school mid-morning to take to psychiatrist MEANWHILE dan had to zoom in to meg's progress & middle-school-transition meeting.  both things went well.  

NOW
it's Thurs a 1 pm, I have delivered a Meg after we got some lunch, have had a meeting about equity with the ESOL teacher (he is so cool), and nearly cried.  That tells me it's time to do some brain clearing, so here I am writing up my jumble of shit.

Love you guys!!!