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Apr. 3rd, 2023 08:15 ama couple things wearing me out:
Either a tooth or ear thingy is hurting my jaw/temple. It's likely the filling that I just had done because that was suspiciously deep, but it kinda hurts up in the jawbone/ear zone. I've been taking lots of tylenol and that might be upsetting my stomach a bit.
My brother sent me a selfie and I couldn't send one back because I took a few pictures and my eyes being crooked were just too obvious and I couldn't deal with saving that picture.
the other thing is that uncle is on life support (an ECMO machine) and will die soon without a double lung transplant, and he was approved for that, but then he had a stroke on saturday night, and it didn't seem that bad because he was speaking and not too confused on Sunday, but then he took a downturn and they put the trach back in and IDK what else is going on since then.
I'm sad about it for all kindsa reasons, he is so much like my dad; and out of 9 siblings we're down to 4, and sometimes they are all together in the hospital. I miss the days when my family was whole, but it's probably not the way I imagine it.
I'm annoyed with Michelle because she's a PhD not an MD and she keeps interpreting what my aunt is relaying from the doctors. And telling my mom. So mom's like 'aunt erin seems to have a positive outlook but michelle thinks that he won't last the day' and at the time michelle wasn't even THERE. I should give Michelle some credit because she's a cardiac researcher, but this is a lungs problem and as interrelated as they are .... this is an overstep moment. I think I wouldn't mind M acting like a knowitall if I didn't feel like she constantly underestimates me as well -she explains things that I've already grokked, you know? She has to remember that my brother keeps up with her. And he and I are alike in a lot of ways.
But I'm not THAT annoyed with her, it's just a distraction for my brain.
Meg every single day is telling me she feels like garbage/trash and is dreading school. I am trying to help/deal with that, and haven't made it better yet. I am sad for her, wondering if it's a Behavior (like wanting attention), kinda pissy because 'some people have real problems,' and the angst-ier she gets, the more she seems to need me, and then I need a break, and we create an obnoxious feedback loop of me getting tense and her wanting more reassurance from me.
On the other hand. You haven't heard me talk about Ty much lately because.....it seems the prozac is working! He's been downright cheerful again! Found out his eosinophils (white blood cell type) are out of whack like they were a couple years ago and at that time it was an allergen thing, and dr advises that ty's vague 'headache, dizzy, weak' feelings that come and go could be related to allergies. For me, allergies are super duper obvious, so that was a revelation.
TMI:
I feel like the garlicky dinner I ate yesterday has passed through my digestive system and is making me stinky. Unfair.
So yeah.
I need springtime.
Either a tooth or ear thingy is hurting my jaw/temple. It's likely the filling that I just had done because that was suspiciously deep, but it kinda hurts up in the jawbone/ear zone. I've been taking lots of tylenol and that might be upsetting my stomach a bit.
My brother sent me a selfie and I couldn't send one back because I took a few pictures and my eyes being crooked were just too obvious and I couldn't deal with saving that picture.
the other thing is that uncle is on life support (an ECMO machine) and will die soon without a double lung transplant, and he was approved for that, but then he had a stroke on saturday night, and it didn't seem that bad because he was speaking and not too confused on Sunday, but then he took a downturn and they put the trach back in and IDK what else is going on since then.
I'm sad about it for all kindsa reasons, he is so much like my dad; and out of 9 siblings we're down to 4, and sometimes they are all together in the hospital. I miss the days when my family was whole, but it's probably not the way I imagine it.
I'm annoyed with Michelle because she's a PhD not an MD and she keeps interpreting what my aunt is relaying from the doctors. And telling my mom. So mom's like 'aunt erin seems to have a positive outlook but michelle thinks that he won't last the day' and at the time michelle wasn't even THERE. I should give Michelle some credit because she's a cardiac researcher, but this is a lungs problem and as interrelated as they are .... this is an overstep moment. I think I wouldn't mind M acting like a knowitall if I didn't feel like she constantly underestimates me as well -she explains things that I've already grokked, you know? She has to remember that my brother keeps up with her. And he and I are alike in a lot of ways.
But I'm not THAT annoyed with her, it's just a distraction for my brain.
Meg every single day is telling me she feels like garbage/trash and is dreading school. I am trying to help/deal with that, and haven't made it better yet. I am sad for her, wondering if it's a Behavior (like wanting attention), kinda pissy because 'some people have real problems,' and the angst-ier she gets, the more she seems to need me, and then I need a break, and we create an obnoxious feedback loop of me getting tense and her wanting more reassurance from me.
On the other hand. You haven't heard me talk about Ty much lately because.....it seems the prozac is working! He's been downright cheerful again! Found out his eosinophils (white blood cell type) are out of whack like they were a couple years ago and at that time it was an allergen thing, and dr advises that ty's vague 'headache, dizzy, weak' feelings that come and go could be related to allergies. For me, allergies are super duper obvious, so that was a revelation.
TMI:
I feel like the garlicky dinner I ate yesterday has passed through my digestive system and is making me stinky. Unfair.
So yeah.
I need springtime.