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I'm not 100% ok.

We had a really nice vacation to a cabin in the woods (oooOOOoo 0-0 ) but Dan lost a day to major toothache, and Meg was just "ON" 100% of the time, and it was very very hot. But among its few amenities, the cabin had air conditioning! So it was good.

Unfortunately I couldn't stop thinking about Life Choices, and thinking about Life Changing Choices, and all the reading/talking I've done says it should come down to what I want, and I don't know what that is, so I spent a lot of time trying to think Who Am I Even and that part sucked.

What i want is dumb stuff like, to not disappoint people, which i might do if I left town

what i'm scared of is the above

I started doing mental flow charts and explorations you know... like, if offered job, then my choices are x and Y and z,

We looked online at houses just to imagine that life for a bit and i found a couple of dreamhouses we could afford and it's all lovely and tempting

i keep asking what i want to be when i grow up

i was all set to Not Think About it Today but a) i have to work and everything is nuts so i probably want to think about escaping it b) i have a phone interview this evening c) the recruiter just called but i didn't pick up.

Part of this process will include examining whether i want to leave here for a 40% pay increase.

Part of it is ethics, but there's no black/white answer on it.

so today, the kids and i are tired, I'm a little overwhelmed with life stuff and work stuff. Send good calm vibes plz

meanwhile

here's some dumb details about my phone that nobody cares about but me:

i've had my cell phone number since 1998 which is cool.
i also have a work cell phone that doesn't cost much so yeah i have a work cell phone that is donated.

so i've had 2 cell phones for 2 years which is first world problems but it's double-the-voicemails-double-the-fun. Mostly if i run low on battery i just switch. Didn't seem worth it to eliminate my personal phone because what if i wanted to download games & stuff?

Enter 2019.

Ty's had Dan's old phone for 6 months and is NOT good with it. Doesn't charge it, loses it, etc. So for safety's sake so he always can call 911 or me or Dan or Christy if he's home alone, we needed a corded phone (unloseable!). So I got a Home Phone Wireless Base which converts your line to a home phone. Same number, same voicemails, but it's a reg phone.

I finally fixed it 2 weeks ago and .... as you might expect you can't have 2 phones at once so that phone number I've had since 1998 is a landline now.

So the recruiter's calling me on that, literally two days after I converted it, and Ty's answering it like a champ, and my MOM helps out, and all I got now is my WORK cell phone. So now I'm a CHUMP. I had to edit my resume accodingly (not that i'm a chump but added my work cell number UGH).

I can convert it back, or convert Ty/Dan's number most likely to the 'home phone.' I don't wanna have 2 cell phones but i guess there was a reason i had that for 3 yrs?