May. 29th, 2019

alicevangeline: Transichor, name derived from "change" and "blood", is an eel with venom that can change your blood (Default)
So! I was right about ty, it was allergies, but the allergies are in fact causing all the blahs including tummyache and sore throat and the tummyache means no appetite means not eating means Issues (anemia or hungry or just generalized fatigue) so, while I didn't want that to be the issue, i am glad that's the issue. It means yes it wasn't in his head, nor is it a big deal, and yes he was reasonably sick enough to complain?

I think that's the thing about motherhood/parenthood/work: I really, really want to be right about things, and i never expect to be. I think that might be an 'adult child of an alocholic' thing, that you aren't sure if you're seeing the world as it really is. I've got TERRIBLE lie-dar, for instance. I'm not a great judge of character because of that, and because I assume that if people are seeming kind of dickish that maybe i'm just being sensitive. So while i'm not the sort to dance around shouting YES when i win an argument, I'm also not the sort that is 'never wrong,' I feel like I'm wrong a lot, and I don't trust myself that well. so that means when I am right, I feel better about the entire world, because it means I'm seeing at least one thing clearly.

That's one reason I'm enjoying being good at my job, i've been here long enough to look back and see some of the ways we paved and say 'that was a good move!' So that's not only good for the organization but good for me as a human being.

Whenever I do have an instinct, i try not to call it being 'impulsive,' and I try to feel out why I want to do the thing even if I can't explain it very well.


That brings me to Crabby Human, the Consultant. She says just really snotty things to me, and I second guess whether a) is...that a bitchy thing to say? because that bothered me! and b) How do I respond to this? and c) Benefit of the Doubt: Is there a reason that she's saying this in THAT way? Like maybe she means to be jokey? Or she thinks we're friends? Or she's mad about something else?

Anyway, I'm not going to fire her or cancel her contract at this time, I wanted to wait to end of year, but we are NOT compatible so it may be sooner. My tiny self says "is it something I did wrong?" And -- sort of? She thinks so, but to be totally rational, I didn't. How can I offer someone a job if I don't know they want it? The moral is: don't get mad when you don't get something you didn't ask for.

My instinct says 'do NOT keep her permanently, but DO utilize her expertise.'

I've been typing too long, but it helps.

The rest of Ty's day yesterday: I DID get comfort food on the way to bring him to dr. Then i let him hang out with me at the office where he was quiet. He's missed me lately anyway with Megan being clingy. Oh, and the 'lumpy teenager' thing, i guess he didn't really feel good, which is part of it.

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alicevangeline: Transichor, name derived from "change" and "blood", is an eel with venom that can change your blood (Default)
alicevangeline

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