May. 14th, 2019

alicevangeline: Transichor, name derived from "change" and "blood", is an eel with venom that can change your blood (Default)
hi!
at the risk of justifying my behavior, i think writing on here actually does help me clear my brain. I mean that's the goal of doing it, and i think that goal is essentially being achieved. Isn't it funny how much we can know, dream about, think about, desire - and our brain is just a weird little grey piece of meat? (gross)

Sometimes I am still feeling underqualified for what this job actually needs me to be, and sometimes I think that even when i'm not feeling neurotic and being a bit more objective. However, part of that is how much the Org has grown since I've been here - we went from 'there will be a big skills gap so let's do a thing' to 'there is a big skills gap, we've done some things and people want us to do more things and want our advice'. Sometimes I think what I'm actually able to do is be the office manager and everything else, i have to stretch myself. But, i think the thing about good leadership is that nobody knows everything, and good leaders find other people to help fill the gaps. So I'm starting to see what we need from a big picture standpoint - or, to see that there's SOME kinda island out there in the fog - and that I need somebody with really good eyesight or navigation powers to get us there. Both i guess.

I'm getting older and learning more why leadership matters, why we need a blend of personalitieis (i mean i would just accept what I had and love everyone. Now i'm like "I need at least one visionary and one doer" for the diff projects).

I guess, grand scheme of thigns, being a little good at a lot of things is what I need to be and is what I am. I would love to be better at frameworks & strategies and big-picture stuff, and gantt charts and horizons, but a) those are boring-but-useful tools, and b) I guess I can learn. I think part of why I fit in is these guys care about that stuff but not a whole lot. we're more nimble.

last, as i keep reminding myself, Skills Gap stuff is a relatively new problem. And oddly enough, it's a fact that our organization is doing just as well as everybody else in the state that's working on this, and we have advice to offer everyone else, even when I doubt myself.

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alicevangeline: Transichor, name derived from "change" and "blood", is an eel with venom that can change your blood (Default)
alicevangeline

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