;-P
Oldschool emoji for making the 'icky' face.
( boring stupid grief shit )
So I get 5 days bereavement, this is day 3, it's been a little weird for sure. We got back to town on Saturday, then had to go get my car in CT on Sunday. Monday I started trying to Do Stuff. I'm almost out of things I can do -- not entirely. I need some paperwork in order to do other paperwork, and dealing with mom's Stuff and Clothes and Books is a thing that can be done.
If I write this out I might feel some kind of useful so here's what's done:
Things to Do:
- talk to minister back home
- work out with my brother what we actually want to do
- ease back into work ( a couple things feel Looming)
- have that big cry sometime, or not
I decided:
-I will try to work tomorrow because some things need doing and i need normalcy
-i KINDA want to have a funeral here in NH because mom had like a hundred friends in her AA groups but upon reconsideration - 1. I don't actually want to organize that. 2. I don't ACTUALLY want people to come tell me how much they loved her for a couple hours. I might get over myself about this and step up to the plate and do the thing. 3. AA is weird because, obvi, it's anonymous in theory? And, she's lived here 3 years I think, and 2 of those were covid years, so I feel like getting to know people outside of AA groups didn't really have a chance yet. She did get to meet a lot of my friends and neighbors and coworkers. I think people would come, for my sake, but note point 2; and regarding AA friends, I'm not sure it's my responsibility to do that. I mean, technically, her AA life should be separate from mine. Because of the second A, you know what I mean? I did google this and it's a blend of responses between 'just go to existing family services and say you're a friend' and 'have a memorial meeting for the member.' So the decision is that I'm not doing anything more about that, today at least. and I can change my mind and that will be okay.
( boring stupid grief shit )
So I get 5 days bereavement, this is day 3, it's been a little weird for sure. We got back to town on Saturday, then had to go get my car in CT on Sunday. Monday I started trying to Do Stuff. I'm almost out of things I can do -- not entirely. I need some paperwork in order to do other paperwork, and dealing with mom's Stuff and Clothes and Books is a thing that can be done.
If I write this out I might feel some kind of useful so here's what's done:
- E-filed a petition to open an estate and mailed my brother a form that needs signed
- dan had already found will. hope it's legit enough because it was done online (Total Legal) and signed by witnesses but not notarized. Also it was signed out of state.
- contacted life ins
- contacted car ins
- contacted aarp (they do the health ins supplement but i'm saving Deal With Health Insurance till later, plus also, they might already know)
- contacted her pension -
- contacted social security - they already know bc funeral home in ny did their job
- replied to her friend's text messages and had some terrible phone calls to people who loved her
- did a facebook notice for her and shared it to me so our friends know
- started an obituary but need some details
- started scheduling services but some things are in the air for that
- froze debit cards
- printed letter to send to equifax (needs certificate but since SS was informed it's not so bad)
- scheduled a meeting with accountant
- trying to schedule a meeting with attorney
- sorted her wallet
- there might be other cards I need to freeze with zero balance but it can wait
- investigated what to do about car but holding off because we're going to transfer title to my bro
- but she still owes on it but there should be some money to pay for that
- cancelled verizon (Hope i won't need two-factor-authentication for anything on her phone!)
- made a real awkward phone call to cancel a doctor's appt she had for tomorrow
- will need to cancel disney & netflix
- chris made a list of recurring charges in her bank acct so that's real helpful, i can make sure that stuff gets handled/turned off
- checked on medical records request 'in process'
- talked to Ohio Funeral home
Things to Do:
- talk to minister back home
- work out with my brother what we actually want to do
- ease back into work ( a couple things feel Looming)
- have that big cry sometime, or not
I decided:
-I will try to work tomorrow because some things need doing and i need normalcy
-i KINDA want to have a funeral here in NH because mom had like a hundred friends in her AA groups but upon reconsideration - 1. I don't actually want to organize that. 2. I don't ACTUALLY want people to come tell me how much they loved her for a couple hours. I might get over myself about this and step up to the plate and do the thing. 3. AA is weird because, obvi, it's anonymous in theory? And, she's lived here 3 years I think, and 2 of those were covid years, so I feel like getting to know people outside of AA groups didn't really have a chance yet. She did get to meet a lot of my friends and neighbors and coworkers. I think people would come, for my sake, but note point 2; and regarding AA friends, I'm not sure it's my responsibility to do that. I mean, technically, her AA life should be separate from mine. Because of the second A, you know what I mean? I did google this and it's a blend of responses between 'just go to existing family services and say you're a friend' and 'have a memorial meeting for the member.' So the decision is that I'm not doing anything more about that, today at least. and I can change my mind and that will be okay.